Idiot Seraphim Cinco
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: Fifth part in the Idiot Seraphim series. Just when they thought life had become reasonably normal, a new threat lies on the horizon for our favourite Cruxis gang. The fate of the world rests on their shoulders. Pairings: ZexLl, KrxYu, MixGe, MaxCo
1. Prologue

Tales of Symphonia, Idiot Seraphim Cinco.

* * *

Disclaimer.

Finally! The long-awaited fifth part of the Idiot Seraphim series! It took me way too long, and I'm sorry. Writersblock and all that. But I won't bore you with details.

First off, I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters. This counts for all chapters to come.

Secondly, this story is a bit alternate universed, since it diverts from the original ending. If you want more insight on how it diverts, read the previous Idiot seraphim fics.

Thirdly, I suppose the characters are a bit out of character. This always happens when I write a fanfic. There are some who find my view of characters refreshing. Others yell at me for it. But don't worry. I'll _try_ to keep your image of them intact.

Fourthly, this fic supports the couplings of KratosxYuan, LloydxZelos and MithosxGenis. Also, implied SheenaxRaine. If you can't stand the couplings, please don't whine about it. This story was written for the sake of comedy and fangirling.

Fifthly, it doesn't cost you that much time to leave a review. So please, remember to comment on the chapter. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. I like constructive criticism.

For those of you who have not yet read the previous Idiot Seraphim fics, or Idiot Renegade, catch up to all the events by reading this wonderful prologue!

* * *

Prologue

It all started off when the guys of Cruxis hired Zelos to be the fourth seraphim. Zelos agreed, and was dragged off to Vinheim the second, where he could live from now on. After a rowdy party at Lloyd's place, Zelos awoke next to the birthday boy. The guys from Cruxis ofcourse, knew all along he was gay. Zelos still denied it, and tried to find distraction in Cruxis's radical actions against discrimination. When he faced certain death however, he admitted that he is in fact gay. Later on, when everyone was celebrating Mithos's four thousand and thirteenth birthday in Flanoir, he admitted to Lloyd that he may have feelings for him.

And so, two years later, Zelos proposed to him. Lloyd accepted. But then the boy went missing. Zelos, Kratos, Yuan and Mithos embarked on a quest to find him. After being dragged around the entire united world, they found out that Lloyd had been kidnapped by none other than Colette Brunel. The girl wanted revenge, because Lloyd had used the Kharlan tree to start his Mana company. The company that supplies mana throughout the world, without exhausting the tree too much. Colette demanded half of the company, but Lloyd refused to budge. Eventually, the gang managed to free him and the wedding happened as planned.

A year later, Mithos succeeded in reviving Martel, using an automated doll similar to Tabatha. Martel was not pleased to find out Yuan and Kratos were a couple now, and tried her best to keep the two apart. Meanwhile, she also frowned heavily upon the relationship between Mithos and Genis Sage. Everyone was soon on the brink of insanity, which only got worse when Martel accidentally exposed herself as an angel while saving Altamira from a tidal wave. Soon, it was time for another one of Mithos's birthday parties, where everyone has to come in couples. Just as Martel forced Yuan to tell everyone they were getting married soon, Colette came to crash the party. Martel came to the shocking conclusion that she too was gay, and that she only liked Yuan because he was so girly. She soon ditched the party and ran off with Colette. But she still had to live with her little brother, ofcourse. That's how all seven seraphim ended up together in Vinheim the second.

A few months afterwards, the Cruxis gang got a rather strange visitor. A man named Dhaos claimed to be Yuan from the future. His mission in the past was to take Kratos with him and at the same time kill Kratos' future assassin. The assassin turned out to be none other than Zelos, who, four thousand years from now, would accidentally feed Kratos spaghetti with tomato sauce. Luckily, most of the group jumped in to protect their favourite ex-chosen from Dhaos' wrath. Yuan remained sceptic about Dhaos' story, even though everyone said that the two 'kinda did look alike'. Martel, getting sick of the situation, decided to go on a short holiday with Colette, vowing not to return until Dhaos was gone. There was much rejoicing. Still, everyone was starting to get more and more annoyed by the man. (especially after he nearly burned down the castle with his curling iron). The entire situation was resolved when Nancy, Kratos from the future, came to retrieve his beloved Dhaos. He'd been revived with a lifebottle mere moments after Dhaos left for the past. Still, the two left chaos in their wake, as everyone of Cruxis was now incredibly scared of the future.


	2. Chapter One

((A/N: Let's get this show on the road!))

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Chapter one.

It was a completely random night in Triet. Yuan was sitting in his office, doing some paperwork. Lately, he'd been considering reviving the Renegades. Though, what was the point? There were no more badguys in the world. … Or so he thought.

He looked up when he suddenly heard a strange hissing sound. The lights flickered for a few moments. When it stopped he saw the door close.

'That's odd.' He thought, frowning lightly. Then, all of a sudden, the lights completely went out.

"Damn electrical bill!" He shouted, pushing himself to his feet.

"It's not the electrical bill, sir." Said a familiar voice.

Yuan gasped. 'That voice! … No, it couldn't be. It was just my imagination. Yeah. I've been working too hard lately.'

The lights returned, causing Yuan to stare straight into the ghastly face of his former sidekick Botta. A small silence followed, until Yuan started to scream loudly, running out the door.

'Botta's ghost _does_ haunt the base!' he thought frantically, speeding through the halls. 'It was just a story I thought up to scare Mithos, but… Now he's come back to get revenge! He knows my deep and dark secrets! He won't let me rest until I've repented!' Yuan paused in his tracks, thinking deeply. 'Wait, I don't _have_ any deep and dark secrets.'

The lights started to flicker again. Yuan squeaked and continued running.

"I've gotta get outta here!" he shouted. But where was that damn exit? It seemed like the halls had moved, most of them leading to dead ends.

* * *

Meanwhile, deep in the Renegade base, Mithos was hiding in the rheaird hangar. 

"Heheh, this is gonna be awesome!" He said to himself, giggling evilly. He stuck a strange machine to the wall and got ready to set the timer.

"The second the timer runs out, this baby will start beeping in an endless, high-pitched tone. It'll take Yuan hours to find it. Then he has to disarm it too. Heh, that'll teach him for eating my lunch. Ahahahah! Ahahahahahahah!"

"Excuse me?"

"What?! Can't you see I'm b-" Mithos looked up to glare at whoever had disturbed him, only turn extremely pale. "B-Botta!"

"_You're_ not Botta. I am. Atleast, I used to be." Botta shrugged.

Mithos screamed like a little girl and ran away, leaving a dust cloud.

"Wait! You forgot your machine thing!" Botta called after him.

* * *

Still speeding through the halls, Yuan suddenly bumped into a shadowy figure. Squeaking in fear, he hopped back, drawing his overly large sabre. 

"Get back, evil ghost! Or you shall feel my blade! … If you _can_ feel."

"Yuan, what are you doing?" Kratos asked, stepping into the light.

"Thank the gods it's you! I'm not sure how you got in, but I don't care! I'm being chased!" Yuan glanced over his shoulder nervously.

"Chased? By whom?" Kratos also glanced around.

"Botta's ghost." Yuan whispered.

A long silence followed.

"Botta's ghost?" Kratos repeated slowly.

"Yes! He's come back to kill me! … Or bury me in lost insurance papers or something."

"Sometimes, I worry about you." Kratos sighed, placing a hand on Yuan's shoulder.

"No! It's true! He was standing right there, in my office!" Yuan argued.

"You've been working too long again, haven't you?"

"That's besides the point." Yuan huffed, looking away.

They looked up when they heard a horrific shrieking sound.

"It's the ghost! He's come to get me!" Yuan hid behind Kratos, who looked confused.

Suddenly, Mithos came running past them, letting out a high-pitched scream.

"Mithos!" Kratos called.

Mithos froze in his tracks and started walking backwards until he was standing in front of Kratos again.

"Guys! I'm being chased by Yuan's dead sidekick!" he whispered fearfully.

"I told you so!" Yuan exclaimed. "I'm not crazy!"

"Well, I wouldn't quite jump to _that_ conclusion just yet…" Mithos muttered.

"Honestly… I'm going to take you two to Yuan's office and show you that there is no ghost." Kratos sighed, walking forward.

"W-wait for us!" Mithos and Yuan called, running after him.

* * *

((Oooooh... Scary... Almost as scary as the fic itself. XD)) 


	3. Chapter Two

((A/N: Finally, I update. Sorry it took me so long. School was trying to destroy my very being. You know how it goes. Eheheh...  
I have to say, when I saw the amount of reviews for the first chapter I was completely _stumped_! 16 of them! I just want to thank everyone who took the time to leave a review, saying how awesome they think it is that there's another Idiot Seraphim.))

* * *

Chapter two.

The three entered the office and looked around. It was empty.

"See? No evil ghosts." Kratos said calmly.

"Well, what's _that_ then?" Yuan pointed to a cupcake that was sitting on the desk. Mithos gasped.

"… A cupcake. A normal looking cupcake." Kratos replied simply.

"I haven't had a cupcake in this base for years!" Yuan hissed.

"It's the ghost! It's the ghost!" Mithos squeaked wildly.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly logical expl-"

Kratos was cut off as the lights suddenly went out again. Both Yuan and Mithos started to scream like maniacs.

"Be quiet, you two." Kratos growled.

Yuan and Mithos shut up again. There was a strange hissing sound.

"What was that?" Yuan whispered nervously.

The lights flickered on again. Everyone froze and turned to stare at Botta, who was suddenly standing near Yuan's desk. The man was holding a large knife. The three men screamed wildly as the lights went out yet again. Then, suddenly, accompanied by the hissing sound, Mithos' screaming stopped.

"Mithos! Mithos!" Kratos called. There was no response.

The lights returned yet again. Mithos had disappeared. Yuan and Kratos turned to stare at Botta with fearful eyes.

"Oh gods! He turned Mithos into a roast beef!" Yuan shrieked, pointing at a large piece of roast beef on the desk.

"Don't panic and slowly head for the door." Kratos whispered.

The lights flickered and went out again, just as Botta looked up.

"Nooooo!" Yuan screamed. There was a stumbling sound, and someone fell to the ground.

"Yuan!" Kratos reached out to where Yuan had been mere seconds ago. He felt nothing but air.

The lights returned for the third time. Kratos glanced around to see Yuan lying on the floor, covered in blood.

"I've been hit! I'm dying!" Yuan screamed, clutching at his chest.

"Nooo! Yuan! You can't die!" Kratos leaned down next to his friend, pulling him closer. "… Wait, this is…" he ran a finger across the red fluid, tasting it. "Ketchup?"

"Huh?" Yuan looked down at his 'bloody' body.

"Darnit. The bottle broke." Botta said, holding up an empty bottle o' ketchup. "Ohwell." He turned back to the desk and started to cut the roast beef.

"Oh my god! He's a cannibal!" Yuan shouted, crawling to his feet and hiding behind Kratos again.

"It's beef, really." Botta took a slice of the meat and put it on a loaf of bread.

"He's making a sandwich! Run!" Yuan turned to leave, but Kratos grabbed him by his cloak, preventing him from doing so.

Just as Botta raised the sandwich to his mouth, the lights flickered again. Yuan squeaked. Sighing deeply, Botta put the sandwich down and walked over to a nearby panel, opening it. He grabbed a wire, pushing it further into the socket it was supposed to be in. The flickering instantly stopped.

"Cheap magi-technology…" he muttered, returning to his sandwich. "I told you not to cut back on the electrician, sir."

"I wouldn't give those cheats a penny!" Yuan retorted angrily. "They never do their job properly and- … Wait… You're not going to kill me?"

"Why would I?" Botta enquired, taking a bite from his sandwich.

"Because… Uhhh… You're a vengeful ghost?"

"Not really, no. I'm alive, as far as I can tell." Botta shrugged.

"But… then… Where's Mithos?" Yuan glanced around before staring at the roast beef again.

"He ran out the door."

"Ohhh… Heheh, boy, don't I feel silly?" Yuan chuckled.

"Botta, how come you're still alive?" Kratos cut in.

"Well, I'll tell you." Botta began, as both men held their breath in anticipation.

* * *

((Ah, come on! You didn't _actually_ think it was a ghost? XD  
How did Botta survive, you ask? Well... Just wait and see!)) 


	4. Chapter Three

((A/N: 6 reviews! Thanks everyone!  
Starting next chapter, I'll respond to some reviews again, alright? I'm lazy right now.))

* * *

Chapter three.

"As you know, we had to set off a trap in order to deactivate the self-destruct mechanism. That trap caused the room to flood with water." Botta explained.

Kratos and Yuan nodded.

"We closed the door so that Lloyd and his friends in the other room wouldn't be drowned as well. We told them to tell you that we'd succeeded."

"They did." Yuan said with a nod.

"The water kept rising, causing us to float closer and closer to the ceiling. It was an epic struggle for life and death. Then, just as it seemed we were doomed… the water stopped. The pressure on the machines caused the trap mechanism to break. You'd think Rodyle would've kept something like that in mind."

"That's typical crazy scientist behaviour." Kratos pondered.

"Renegade number forty-three took a deep breath and dove to the bottom of the room, unlocking the door. The water flooded out again. Lloyd and his friends had already escaped by then, so they never noticed we were still alive." Botta finished.

"But… How come you didn't come back sooner? It's been… What… five years?" Yuan asked.

"Four, to be exact." Botta said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Actually, near death experiences can do strange things to a person. I realized that I'd never fulfilled my childhood dream."

"Which is?"

"To open up my own bakery store." Botta smiled faintly.

"Did you succeed?" Yuan enquired.

"I went bankrupt because I kept eating the pastries myself." Botta shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Heheh. I hadn't expected anything else." Yuan chuckled.

"Well, I'm afraid coming back here hasn't got much of a point either. The Renegades went out of business a long time ago." Kratos commented.

"Oh, I know that. I came to warn you." Botta replied simply.

"About what?"

"There's a group of people that's been gathering lately. They're plotting to take over the world. … Somehow." Botta put the sandwich down and wandered over to the nearby coffee machine.

"Are you serious?" Yuan asked dumbstruck.

"Dead serious." Botta said. Then he paused. "Ah… No pun intended."

"Well, who are they?"

"I don't know their identities. I just know that they're a group of ten people. They call themselves Sixurc." Botta pressed a button on the coffee machine.

"Isn't that like Cruxis, only reversed?" Kratos frowned.

"Wow, you're smart!" Yuan exclaimed.

"Heeheeh." Kratos giggled, before turning to serious mode again. "Well, if you don't know their identities, how come you know the name of their organisation?"

"I still have many connections, you know. Renegade number fifty one heard it from number thirty six, who heard it from number one-hundred and nineteen's sister, who has a cousin who is an undercover agent in Sixurc. The undercover agent wishes to remain anonymous." Botta said. By now, his mug had filled with cappuccino, the way only Botta could make it. Yuan stared at it lustfully.

" So basically, ten nutballs out there are planning to take over the world with some half-baked plan and only we can stop them?" Kratos concluded.

"Ah… Yes." Botta nodded, before noticing Yuan staring at his coffee. He sighed and held out his mug. "Here you go, sir."

Yuan squeaked happily, snatching the steaming cup from his ex-sidekick's hands. "Oh gods, you have no idea how much I've missed your cappuccino's!"

Kratos narrowed his eyes at Botta, not saying a word.

"Well, I must be going. I need to find my purpose in life." Botta said suddenly.

"Ah… You're leaving already?" Yuan sighed, clinging to his cappuccino.

"No time to waste. There are many jobs I still need to try out. I'm starting as a manicurist tomorrow." Botta shrugged again.

"Really? I thought you were more of a party clown." Kratos commented.

"I tried that last month. I got fired because I ate the pies. And the kid's birthday cake…"

"Ouch." Yuan felt a slight sting of sympathy.

"Farewell sir. Maybe we'll meet again some day." and with that, Botta walked out the door. The only evidence that he was ever there was the lone cupcake that still lay on Yuan's desk.

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((Ah, how I miss Idiot Renegade... XD  
Anyway, there you have the general plot of the story. Ten nutballs are going to take over the world and only Cruxis can stop 'm!)) 


	5. Chapter Four

((A/N: Alrighty! Reply time!

**Zelosluvr:** Actually, Kratos is also jealous of Yuan's relationship with Botta, even though it's just friendship and nothing more.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Yup, he's leaving already. But don't worry, he might be back one day.  
**DraNKa:** Then... The leader of Sixurc is Rita Repulsa? XD  
**Unknownseraphim:** Thank you. I'll try my best to make sure that you'll continue to love it.  
**Tobiasa:** Catfight between Botta and Kratos? Nah... Botta knows that Yuan loves Kratos and Kratos only. Giggling Kratos... Yes, I kinda do wonder what that would sound like. Probably cute.  
**Brandy Mallory:** Hey, you never know. You might walk into Botta's bakery shop one day. ... Oh wait, you won't. He went out of business.  
**Hiranieas:** Yeah, Mithos was always a scaredykatz. I wonder if he has Martel check under his bed for monsters... Probably not, because she might accidentally find Genis under there. XD  
**ObliqueFireAngel: **Yup, that was jealousy alright. And nope, Botta is not dead. Yay!  
**Nakoya:** Yeah, he'll probably fail as a manicurist as well. Maybe he's more of a PE teacher. "Drop and gimme 20, you maggots!" ... Nah...))

* * *

Chapter four.

Yuan and Kratos returned to Vinheim the second soon after, to find Mithos hiding under the living room table while the others were watching TV.

"Welcome home." Colette said, not looking away from the cartoon.

"Yuan! How are you? Can I take your coat? … Eh… Cloak." Zelos smiled cheerfully, immediately getting up from the couch.

"Still trying to get on my good side after the Dhaos incident, are you?" Yuan enquired.

"Don't say the name!" Zelos hissed nervously.

"What… Dhaos?"

Zelos winced, quickly jumping onto the couch again.

"Dhaos!" Yuan called after him.

"Decaf." Martel said, suddenly standing behind the ex-Renegade leader. He fell to the ground with a yelp.

"Listen, Yuan, the shower drain is clogged again. Get to work." Martel commanded casually.

"But… Didn't _you_ have bathroom duty this week?" Yuan asked, pushing himself to his feet again.

"I did, but I traded it with Kratos for dusting duty, who then traded it with Zelos for trash duty, who traded it with Lloyd for kitchen duty, who traded it with Mithos for library duty, who then traded it with your laundry duty without permission." Martel explained.

"Damn you, Mithos!" Yuan shook his fist at the boy who was still hiding underneath the table.

"So, did anything interesting happen today?" Lloyd asked.

"Not really…" Yuan thought deeply, the strange feeling that he'd forgotten something. Then it hit him. "Oh! Right! Botta turned out to be alive after all these years, as he came back to warn us about a group of nutballs that's planning to take over the world."

"Botta's still alive?" Lloyd gasped.

"He lied to us!" Zelos huffed indignantly.

"It wasn't a ghost?" Mithos quickly crawled out from underneath the table. "Ahaha, I knew that!"

"So, what are we gonna do about this group of nutballs?" Martel enquired.

"Mithos, you have to ask Genis to ask Raine to ask Sheena to ask Tiga to ask the Mizuho information network to find out who these people are." Kratos said.

"Sorry, what?" Mithos tilted his head slightly.

"Ask Genis to ask Raine to ask Sheena to- Ah, nevermind. I'll write it down for you." Kratos sighed, taking a piece of paper and a pen off the table.

"You know, something doesn't really add up." Colette said suddenly.

"Oh really? What's that?" Yuan asked in an 'I'm not interested' tone of voice.

"In chapter nineteen of Idiot Renegade, it says that the last time you saw your trusty side-kick was when he entered Palmacosta ranch. But you saw him just now, didn't you?" Colette tilted her head, slightly confused.

"Ah… That's…" Yuan was at complete loss for words.

"That's called plot device, dearest Colette." Martel explained. "Just like in chapter four. Kratos says that angels don't sleep, when they clearly _do_ sleep in other chapters."

"What a lazy author." Yuan muttered to himself.

"Guys, stop trying to smash your way through the fourth wall! You're confusing Zelos!" Lloyd said angrily.

"Where am I? Who am I? Is any of this for real?" Zelos shrieked wildly, pulling his own hair in frustration.

"Don't worry Zelos. You _are_ a real person." Lloyd assured him.

Zelos sniffed and wrapped his arms around Lloyd, looking slightly like a kicked puppy.

"Lloyd? How come you're so smart? You used to be the biggest idiot of us all." Mithos commented.

"Well, you see, I _grew up_. You guys… Uh… You grew _down_." Lloyd scratched the back of his head thoughtfully.

"Ohhh… Yeah, it makes complete sense now." Yuan nodded smartly.

"What does 'growing up' mean?" Mithos whispered to Colette.

"You're asking _me_?" Colette seemed dumbstruck, though she still did not look away from the cartoon.

* * *

((Heheheh... Yes, I am lazy. But at least I looked up the plot devices all by myself!)) 


	6. Chapter Five

((I got Zelda Twilight Princess! And I love it! Wiieeeee!

**Sylvia Viridian:** Oh? That's quite a surprising comment, coming from you. After all, I was sure you were one of those people who thought the fourth wall is holy.  
**Nakoya:** Plot holes _are_ square. They're not round at all.  
**Hiranieas:** Yeah, the Renegade one is kinda needed, because the prologue doesn't sum up all the fun inside jokes that make a return here. If you don't care about inside jokes though, you don't have to read Idiot Renegade.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Martel _is_ smart. She just doesn't show it much. She's much too busy trying to hound down Genis, yell at people and teach Colette how to be mean.  
**Whatevergirl:** Lloyd's going! XD  
**SymphoniaAlchemist:** Well, there _might_ be an Idiot Seraphim 6, but right now I just don't have the time to write. There are too many other stories, both half-written and still in planning...))

* * *

Chapter five.

A few days passed in silence. In fact, everyone was already starting to forget about the group of nutballs again. That is… until Mithos brought it up again.

"I'm back from Genis' place!" the boy called happily, waltzing into the kitchen while everyone was having dinner.

"Did you have… _fun_?" Martel asked in a disapproving tone of voice.

"Oh yes. Very much." Mithos nodded excitedly, taking a seat. "Oh, Kratos, I have a message for you."

"A message?" Kratos frowned.

"Yeah, hold on." Mithos reached into his pocket and pulled out a small note. "Genis told me to tell you that Raine told him that Sheena told her that Tiga told her that the Mizuho information network found information about this group of nutballs that's planning to take over the-" Mithos broke off, gasping for breath. "-The world." He squeaked.

"Oh, well, that's good news then." Kratos spoke, taking a sip of coffee.

"We have to come by Mizuho soon to actually get the information." Mithos added.

"Hmm… That's not so good." Zelos sighed, his lazyness getting the better of him.

"You have to leave the house sooner or later. You're losing your tan." Lloyd commented.

"Nooo! Not the _tan_!" Zelos shrieked. "Okay, okay, we'll go."

The next day, the Cruxis gang was sitting down in Tiga's house. Sheena was standing behind the vice-chief, slightly bored.

"So, what have you got for us, Siga?" Mithos asked.

"It's Tiga." Tiga growled.

"Whatever." Mithos gave a slight wave of his hand.

"Anyway, this group of nutballs planning to take over the world calls itself Sixurc." Tiga began.

"Yes, we know that." Kratos nodded.

"What an unoriginal name…" Mithos sighed softly.

"It's a group of ten people, consisting of elves, half-elves and humans. Both male and female." Tiga continued.

"Hey, that means they don't discriminate within their ranks!" Colette called happily.

"Very _good _Colette." Martel petted her on the head.

"Hold on, I've got a list somewhere…" Tiga glanced around blankly.

Sheena sighed, handing him a piece of paper from a clipboard.

"Ah yes, thank you Sheena." Tiga accepted the paper and placed a pair of reading glasses on his nose. "Let's see. Six humans, one half-elf, one elf and two unknowns."

"Unknowns?" Lloyd repeated.

"What kind of person is that?" Colette asked, frowning lightly.

"It means we don't know if they're humans or not." Tiga grunted. The leader and his -_or her_- right-hand man -_or woman_- never show themselves to the public, or their fellow Sixurc members."

"That's suspicious…" Lloyd commented.

"Maybe they always have a bad hairday!" Colette guessed smartly.

"Don't be silly. Nobody could lead an evil organisation while having a bad hairday." Zelos snorted.

"So… you don't have the identity of any of the Sixurc members?" Kratos enquired.

"Well, we have the identity of our insider, but he wishes to remain anonymous." Tiga said.

"So it's a 'he' then?" Kratos asked with a grin.

"Ah… Drats." Tiga muttered under his breath.

"Is this insider the same insider as the one who told Botta about Sixurc?" Yuan asked.

"Maybe. Though if he's doing his job well, he shouldn't tell us about it." Tiga shrugged in a non-caring way.

"True." Yuan admitted.

"So, what now?" Lloyd asked, sitting back.

"If they've done their evil research, they'll know they need to get past Cruxis before they can take over the world. I suggest you wait for them to come to you." Tiga said.

"Great idea mister Killa!" Mithos called.

"It's Tiga!" Tiga snapped angrily. "Sheena, you'll aid Cruxis in the name of Mizuho when the time comes, alright?"

"Me? Ah, sure." Sheena nodded.

"Well, that's all, I guess. Meeting adjourned." Tiga got to his feet and turned to leave.

"Bye mister Ziggy!" Mithos waved cheerfully, ignoring Tiga's loud cursing.

"Let me know when you hear from these Sixurc people, okay?" Sheena asked, leading the gang to the door.

"Sure. I'll tell Genis to tell Raine to-" Mithos began, but he was cut off.

"Yeah yeah, I get the picture. Bye bye now!" Sheena said hastily and the group was kicked out of Mizuho, as usual.

* * *

((The plot thickens! ... Like gravy! Gravy is good...)) 


	7. Chapter Six

((A/N:  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** He_ is_ hotter in this game. And at one point, he takes off his shirt to sumo wrestle some fat guy. Sooo funny.  
**Hiranieas:** Yup! Mithos always has fun with Genis! ;)  
**Sesshy is sexii:** Yup, the guys are eerily calm because they haven't quite grasped the seriousness of the situation yet.  
**Brandy Mallory:** -_gives you some gravy_-  
**Violet Wolf:** Ah, thanks for the compliment!  
**Kirby-star:** You have no idea how many people I've converted to the Y/K fandom by now...  
**Sylvia Viridian:** Lol! I wasn't implying that you don't know how to have fun! XD))

* * *

Chapter six.

When they returned to Vinheim the second, the Cruxis gang found that Sixurc had already left them a note. In fact, it was spray painted onto their front door.

"What is this mess?" Martel frowned in an annoyed way.

"It seems to be some sort of message." Lloyd pondered, observing the door closely.

"What makes you say that?" Zelos asked, staring at the door too.

"The words."

"Ohhh…"

"Youth these days!" Yuan said disapprovingly, not even bothering to read as he stepped forward to open the door.

"Hold it… I think this is more than just random vandalism." Lloyd grabbed the man's cloak to hold him back.

Yuan produced a strange, hostile snarling sound.

"Read it out loud! Read it out loud!" Colette cheered happily.

"Let's see here." Kratos put on his reading glasses, leaning forward. "It says 'Dear idiots. We intend to take your lives so we can dominate the world. Come meet your doom at the tower of Damnation two days from now. Yours sincerely, the Sixurc gang.'"

"Such nice people." Colette smiled blankly.

"Think this is a trap?" Lloyd asked.

"Most likely. And I'm pretty sure we're falling for it too." Kratos turned to face the gang. "Everyone in favour of meeting our doom?"

"Yes!" The entire gang shouted in unison.

"Alright, it's settled." Kratos shrugged and entered the castle. The others followed.

* * *

That night, the gang was settled around the dinner table, discussing their options. 

"I'd say we're at a clear disadvantage here." Lloyd commented.

"Why?" Mithos asked loudly, wondering how _they_, the great seraphim of Cruxis, could _possibly_ be at a disadvantage.

"There's seven of us and ten of them." The boy replied simply.

"No there's not. There's…" Mithos started to count on his fingers. "There's eight of us."

"Yggdrasill doesn't count as a person." Yuan called from across the table.

"Why not?" Mithos shouted back.

"Because he's _you_!"

"Well, we've got Sheena on our side though. So that makes eight." Kratos pondered.

"We need two more to be at an even level." Lloyd said, thinking deeply.

"Presea and Regal would probably be willing to help." Kratos suggested.

"Nooo. Ever since that autograph incident, Regal's been nothing but annoying." Mithos shuddered. "Just going on and on about how close he was to breaking that damn record and how those 'darn fangirls' tricked him."

"True. I guess Dhaos was right about that one." Lloyd sighed.

"Don't say the name!" Zelos hissed nervously, covering his ears.

"Maybe we can find Botta again. All we have to do is leave a cupcake outside our door and he'll come running in no-time." Yuan nodded curtly.

"No." Kratos said immediately, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh! How about that assistant of yours? Tabatha?" Zelos asked happily, turning to face Lloyd.

"Nope. I accidentally deleted her battle software." The boy shrugged.

"I know! How about Genis and his sister?" Mithos suggested cheerfully.

"No." Martel said immediately, narrowing her eyes.

"But Raine is an excellent healer and Genis can cast some great magic." Kratos spoke with a shrug.

"Remember that time he set fire to Regal's pants?" Zelos called, giggling.

Everyone except Martel burst into fits of laughter.

"Sheena will probably want to bring Raine along anyway." Lloyd added.

"But I can't stand that boy." Martel growled.

"Nobody's making you spend time with him. Just stay as far away from him and Raine as possible.

"Don't expect me to be nice to them." Martel huffed and crossed her arms.

"But Martel, you're always nice!" Colette commented.

Everyone except Martel and Colette burst into fits of laughter.

* * *

((And so, we have a complete party of ten people! Yaaay!)) 


	8. Chapter Seven

((A/N: Everyone's busy for the holidays, ne?

**Hiranieas:** Merry X-mas right back at ya!  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Regal isn't my fave either. He's just kinda... there...  
**Sesshy is sexii:** Yup. They always say strange things, don't they? I wonder if that can truly be seen as a gift...))

* * *

Chapter seven.

The evening before the big showdown, the Cruxis gang decided that maybe it would be a good idea to prepare a bit better. Therefore, they invited Sheena, Raine and Genis over to Vinheim the second to do some last-minute training.

"See? I told you having a huge fitness hall wasn't a bad idea." Mithos said proudly, his voice echoing off the walls as they entered a large gym.

"I have to admit, it wasn't a _complete_ waste of money." Yuan crossed his arms, frowning heavily.

"I suppose that's as good as an apology from you is going to get." Mithos huffed.

"_Apology_?" Yuan repeated angrily, preparing to beat the boy into a pulp. Luckily, Kratos held him back.

"Since I have experience as a teacher, I'll supervise this training session." The human said loudly. "I want you all to divide into couples so you can practice your techniques."

Soon, Mithos was standing next to Genis, Zelos was clinging to Lloyd, Colette was bouncing happily by Martel's side and Raine was standing next to Sheena.

"Kratos, what about me?" Yuan asked, pouting slightly.

"You'll have to stand by the side and watch for now." Kratos shrugged. "Don't worry, we can have a _private training session_ later."

Yuan grinned and whispered something in Kratos' ear.

"Yuan, most of us have angelic hearing and are severely grossed out now." Mithos called, as Zelos, Lloyd and Martel shuddered.

Yuan blanched, while Kratos blushed lightly, pretending he didn't hear that comment.

"What did he say?" Genis asked curiously.

"That his sword is-" Colette began, but she was cut off when Martel quickly covered her mouth.

"Never you mind." She hissed.

"Right, well, start practicing then." Kratos called, causing the group to spread out across the hall.

It wasn't long until the sound of random shouts filled the air, as everyone practiced their techniques. Mithos was using the kendama he'd gotten from Genis for his birthday as a weapon. Kratos crossed the room, giving everyone tips when necessary while Yuan was sitting on a bench, yawning widely.

* * *

Finally, Kratos called order to the group again. 

"Alright, now I want you all to switch partners." He called.

Everyone immediately started protesting loudly.

"Now now, it's only temporary. You have to learn to battle against different opponents."

"I'll take the bench this time." Sheena offered, walking off to switch places with Yuan.

"In that case, I'll go ahead and fight blonde boy." Yuan cracked his knuckles, approaching Mithos.

"I'll fight the midget." Martel growled, also cracking her knuckles. Genis cowered behind Kratos.

"Not so fast, little miss goddess." Raine hissed loudly. "If you want to get to my brother, you'll have to go through me."

"Fine." Martel glared at her.

"I'll fight Genis then." Zelos offered, pointing his sword at the white-haired boy.

"I guess that just leaves you and me, Lloyd!" Colette said happily. "Isn't this fun?"

"Wonderful…" Lloyd groaned.

The group spread out across the hall to start training again.

"Kratos, do think it's wise to let them train, partnered up like _that_?" Sheena asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why?" The seraph questioned.

"Well, it's just… I mean… This might turn a bit chaotic." Sheena shrugged.

"Nonsense. I know what I'm doing." Kratos grinned brightly.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the gang was standing outside Niflheim the second, arguing heavily. The castle itself was almost completely in ruins. One half was crumbling, while the other half was on fire. 

Yuan was yelling at Martel because one of her nurses healed Mithos just when he was about to defeat the 'little brat'. Mithos was yelling at Colette because one of her chakram got stuck in his hair. Genis was yelling at Lloyd, because the boy accidentally cut the string of his kendama, causing the ball to crash into Zelos' face.

"Are you happy now?" Sheena yelled, while Raine stood next to her, clutching a broken battle staff.

"I'm sorry." Kratos spoke with a pout.

* * *

((The gang gets into way too much trouble. XD)) 


	9. Chapter Eight

((A/N: Happy Newyear everyone! Hmm... Looks like E-mail alerts are down again. I hate it when that happens...

**Angelheart17:** Isn't Dartz from Yu-gi-oh spelled with a Z at the end?  
**Hiranieas:** Hmmm... I guess Mithos is a dumb blonde. Just like Kratos is a dumb auburn. And so on and so forth. XD  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Actually, parts of Vinheim were still standing. I think that means it remains Vinheim the second. I never thought about it...  
**Flamealchemist15:** Myeah, Yuan is a pervert somewhere deep down... A side that he never showed to Martel! -_snickers evilly_-))

* * *

Chapter eight.

After spending the night in a suddenly crowded House of Salvation, the Cruxis gang made their way to the 'Tower of Damnation', followed by Sheena, Raine and Genis.

"Damn, I didn't think it'd look this impressive." Yuan grunted, glancing up at a tower that seemed about ten floors high.

"How come we never noticed this tower before?" Zelos asked, slightly confused.

"I think it's just the Tower of Mana. They probably repainted it." Lloyd commented. Sheena, Raine and Genis nodded in agreement.

"You have to stop being so smart. You're making the rest of us looks stupid." Mithos huffed, crossing his arms.

"Well, here goes nothing." Martel pushed the doors open, leading the group into the first room.

A long silence followed, as everyone glanced around blankly. The door fell shut behind them with a slam, locking them in.

"Uhm… Hello?" Mithos called.

Nothing happened.

"Gee, I was expecting a welcoming committee of some kind." Zelos sighed softly.

"Maybe they forgot about us." Colette guessed.

"I think we should just be patient. They'll come get us eventually." Raine said with a shrug.

Another long silence followed.

"I demand that you come down here to kill us!" Mithos screamed, transforming into Yggdrasill.

There was a loud poof and suddenly Kuchinawa was standing before them, wearing an annoyed expression.

"Geez, keep your pants on. No need to throw a fit." He hissed.

"Kuchinawa! Are you here to help us? I knew you were a good guy!" Sheena called happily.

"_Help you_? Hah, you wish. I'm here to kill you." Kuchinawa said, drawing a kunai from his belt.

"K-kill us? Again?" Sheena took a step back in surprise.

"That's right. I'm the first of Sixurc's ten Eliminators."

"Eliminators?" Everyone repeated blankly.

"We're like the opposite of seraphim, except we don't get to have any special powers. We get a nice dental plan though." Kuchinawa shrugged.

"How could you betray Mizuho like that?" Sheena exclaimed.

"Quite easily."

"As interesting as this all is, we have to go meet with your leader and tell him to stop trying to take over the world." Zelos said. Everyone nodded and started to walk towards the teleporter on the other side of the room.

"Not so fast!" Kuchinawa shouted, throwing a kunai after them. Colette, who happened to trip at that moment, felt it soar mere inches over her head.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Martel screamed at him.

"I can't just let you people pass!" Kuchinawa pulled out another kunai, getting ready to fling it.

"How rude." Colette commented.

"Keep going guys. I'll hold him off!" Sheena hissed, drawing her cards.

"Sheena, what are you saying?" Raine asked desperately.

"You guys need to keep going and reach their leader. So I'll keep Kuchinawa busy." The girl explained.

"Works for me. I have a score to settle with you anyway." Kuchinawa nodded eagerly.

Raine considered this for a moment, before nodding with a faint smile. "Alright. Just make sure to come after us after you defeat this idiot."

"You can count on me." Sheena smirked brightly.

Not wasting any more time, our heroes headed for the teleporter and disappeared from sight.

* * *

((Alrighty! The identity of one of the ten Eliminators has been revealed! What's next, you wonder? You'll have to wait for the next chapter.)) 


	10. Chapter Nine

((A/N: Twilight Princess is still so awesome... Just so very very awesome...

**Epiclesis:** Heh, thanks. I'm glad you like my fics that much.  
**Sylphecat:** Really? You're French? That's cool! You're really good at English.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Really? I had no idea... Must've been completely unintentional... -_clears throat nervously_-  
**Flamealchemist15:** Yeah, I had to think of some fun location for the Tower of Damnation, and this was the best I could come up with. Eheheh...))

* * *

Chapter nine.

The gang arrived on the second floor, glancing around nervously. Again, the room seemed empty, except for the teleporter on the other side.

"Hey, do you hear that? Someone's singing." Colette whispered.

"What?" everyone glanced around, listening intently.

Indeed, a strange sort of lullaby was ringing off the walls, sending shivers down their spines.

"_Hush now baby fall asleep, mommy doesn't feel like counting sheep._

_I hope that you have pleasant dreams, cause I don't want to hear your screams._

_Humans think you're very smart, so that is why you must depart._

_Fall asleep and don't be late, or mother will leave you at the otherworldly gate_."

"That song… It couldn't be!" Raine gasped.

"Oh, but it is." Said a voice.

Virginia stepped out of the shadows before them, smiling wickedly and still clutching that doll of hers.

"Mother!" Raine shouted.

"Hi mum." Genis said, a bit ashamed by his mother's behaviour.

"That's your mom?" Yggdrasill glanced back and forth between the two, before rushing forward to shake Virginia's hand. "Hello ma'am! I'm Mithos Yggdrasill, Genis' best friend!"

"Genis? Hm… I plan on having a son named Genis once. I like torturing my kids by giving them silly names." Virginia laughed creepily, causing Yggdrasill to back away again.

"What are you doing here? You can't be evil!" Raine shouted angrily

"Oh, can't I? Why not? I'm crazy, insane and nuts to boot! Oh, did I mention I'm slightly psychotic?" Virginia smiled widely, cradling her doll.

"Mom! You're embarrassing me!" Genis mumbled, burying his face in his hands.

"I was told that I couldn't let you people pass. So I guess I'll stand in your way or something." Virginia stepped in front of the teleporter.

"Ah! She blocked our only way through!" Zelos called nervously.

"Mother, move!" Raine shouted, approaching the deranged elf.

"Please don't shout. You'll wake Raine." Virginia whispered.

"Oh yeah? Well…" A mad look in her eyes, Raine reached out and snatched the doll from Virginia's arms, backing away. "What are you going to do _now_, huh? Who's your precious Raine _now_, huh?"

"Ahhh! My daughter's been kidnapped! Amber alert!" Virginia shrieked, trying to take the doll back.

"Guys! Keep going! I'll distract her!" Raine called, backing away from the teleporter and thereby effectively luring the elf with her.

"Raine…" Genis said softly.

"_Now_!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez!"

* * *

Everyone quickly hurried forward and teleported to the third floor. 

The next floor was just as silent as the previous. However, it was not empty. This time, there was a man standing before them.

"It's the mayor from Iselia!" Genis exclaimed.

"I used to be… But not anymore…" the ex-mayor spoke, glaring at them.

"What happened?" Lloyd asked.

"_You_ happened! You and your half-elf friends! I hate you guys sooo much." The ex-mayor spat.

"So you developed strange obsessions with costumes?" Zelos asked, remembering the moose outfit incident.

"I think that's about right." Lloyd added, remembering the red-button-clown incident.

"I'm perfectly capable of answering a question myself." The ex-mayor shouted. "Anyway, I tried taking your stupid anti-discrimination classes, but those were suspended after just one class and didn't help one bit. So now I'm one of the ten Eliminators."

"Looks like we've got some major anti-discrimination work to do here." Martel sang in a pleasant voice.

"Shut up you… _half-elf_! All of you!" the man shouted, then he paused and glanced at the group again. "… Okay, _half_ of you."

"I'm sick and tired of you, mister mayor!" Genis stepped forward, narrowing his eyes and pulling out his kendama. "All this time, you've been mean to me and my sister, and now you're yelling at my friends too! If you can't listen to reason, you're going to listen to some serious _hurt_!"

"Genis, you're not going to-" Yggdrasill began, but he was cut off.

"Keep going guys!"

"Genis, noooo!" Yggdrasill squeaked, trying to lunge forward and grab his friend. Sadly, Martel grabbed him by the hair.

"We've got to respect the boy's last wishes." She said hastily, heading for the teleporter with the others.

"Genis! Geniiiis!" Yggdrasill started to sob like a little girl.

"Don't die, kid." Martel said softly, not noticing Kratos' glare as they disappeared from the room.

* * *

((Martel _does_ care about Genis! And she stole Kratos' line! XD)) 


	11. Chapter Ten

((A/N: Finished Twilight Princess! Wewt!

**whatevergirl:** Yeah, Mithos has been through too much already. Poor guy. Too bad things are only going to get worse.  
**Sylphecat:** Oh, I never mock French people when they speak English. But it's probably because I'm Dutch myself. I have a horrible accent as well.  
**Hiranieas:** Genis dying? Ahahahah! You think the mayor could actually kill him?  
**Lunar Kestrel:** A new reviewer eh? Ehehehe, thanks!  
**flamealchemist15: **Nice? Hm... I wouldn't really call it nice. She was... giving him a warning not to die.  
**Brandy Mallory:** Really? I wonder which Tales game that reminded you of... -_shifty eyes_-  
**Unknownseraphim:** Yup, that's what Kratos was thinking, alright.))

* * *

Chapter ten.

And so, the idiots of Cruxis arrived on the fourth floor, glancing around even more nervously than before.

"Any one of us could be next…" Zelos whispered fearfully.

"Just stick close to me. I'll protect you." Lloyd struck a heroic pose.

"Oh really? Just like you protected me and my family?" asked an angry voice.

Everyone gasped as a girl with light brown hair stepped out of the shadows.

"Chocolat!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Mmm… Chocolate…" Zelos' eyes went slightly unfocussed.

"You're one of the Eliminators too?" Kratos asked with a sigh.

"That's right. I lost my mother, my grandmother and my home. After you people rescued me from the Iselia ranch, I returned to find Palmacosta in ruins. That's when I snapped. Now, I will have my revenge on you all!" Chocolat laughed cruelly.

"But that wasn't our fault!" Lloyd shouted.

"Oh really? You were the ones who killed my grandmother." Chocolat pointed out.

"Well, we-"

"You were the ones who made pacts with the summon spirits, causing the tree to go berserk." The girl continued loudly.

"Yuan told us to-"

"_You_ were the ones who sent the Desians into this world in the first place."

"That was Mithos' idea, really." Yuan pointed to Yggdrasill accusingly.

"Therefore, it is all your fault." Chocolat concluded.

"Gee… I think she's right…" Kratos blinked, slightly confused.

"No she's not! We're the good guys, remember?" Lloyd drew his swords immediately.

Yggdrasill made a hesitating sound from the back of his throat.

"If you want to get to the top Eliminator, you'll have to go through me." Chocolat hissed angrily.

"Alright guys, you know the drill. I'll hold her off while you head for the teleporter."

"Lloyd, no!" Zelos clung to his husband's arm desperately.

"Go on, scoot. She's just a little girl. I can take her." Lloyd grinned widely.

"_Little girl_? I'm older than _you_!" Chocolat spat.

"Alright, come on Zelos." Kratos grabbed the red-head by his hair and pulled him off Lloyd as the group headed for the teleporter.

"Good luck Lloyd!" Colette called cheerfully.

"And remember…" Kratos began, but he was cut off.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Don't die. Jeez, that line is getting old." Lloyd shrugged, before the gang disappeared from view.

* * *

The fifth floor was just as dull as every other floor. Still, the group couldn't help but twitch anxiously. 

"Man, I was sure Lloyd was going to hold out until the end." Yggdrasill muttered, crossing his arms.

"I guess he couldn't stay the main hero forever." Yuan shrugged in a non-caring way.

"Hmm… I wonder what's next." Colette mused.

There was a sudden whizzing sound from the shadows. Everyone gasped in shock.

"What was that?" Yuan whimpered, edging closer to Kratos.

The whizzing sound continued, looming ever closer. Then, suddenly, a figure emerged from the shadows. Everyone shrieked in fear.

"Hi guys!" Forcystus called happily, moving his wheelchair closer.

"Why are you here?" Zelos squeaked nervously.

"I'm one of the ten Eliminators, of course." Forcystus gave them a small smile.

"Well... We have to get past, so… move aside!" Yuan called.

"Oh, sure. Hold on, let me just-"

"He's resisting!" Kratos shouted immediately.

"Leave him to me, guys!" Colette drew her chakrams and moved to stand in front of Forcystus.

"Uhm…" The aqua-haired man raised an eyebrow.

"Good luck, Colette. Remember what I thought you." Martel spoke.

"Always aim for the crotch." Colette piped cheerfully.

"Good girl." Martel smiled, before the gang walked past them, stepping onto the teleporter and disappearing with a flash. A small silence followed.

"You know, you didn't have to stay behind. I would've let you pass anyway. I'm the Renegade and Mizuho insider, you know." Forcystus said with a frown. As usual, Colette wasn't really paying attention.

* * *

((-_laughs_- Poor Forcystus!)) 


	12. Chapter Eleven

((A/N: Test week... Is killing me... So horribly... Can't form full sentences...

**Flamealchemist15:** Yeah... Poor little Forcysty. The outcome of this battle will be bad for him, whether he wins or loses.  
**Lunar Kestrel:** Too fast? Hmm... I'll try to slow down a bit...  
**Hiranieas:** Yeah, I always hated the mayor. He has an ugly toupet.  
**Sesshy is sexii:** Yeah, I love Kratos' characterization too. He tries to act all cool and stuff, but freaks out really easily. XD  
**Sylphecat:** Neil is alive? Really? I never saw him on the second disc of the game... As for Forcystus, the fact that he's still alive was proven in Idiot Seraphim Deux and Tres.  
**Whatevergirl:** Yup. Poor him.  
**I like Vader lots:** Eh... Thanks for all the reviews. XD  
**Unknownseraphim:** Eheheheheheheheheheh...  
**Violet Wolf:** Nope, they don't have exspheres. They're basically doomed, unless they have a secret weapon.))

* * *

Chapter eleven.

The gang stepped onto the sixth floor, getting more and more creeped out by the second.

"Five down, five to go…" Zelos muttered softly.

"Don't worry guys. The worst part is probably behind us now." Martel spoke.

"Think again." A man with a silly white outfit and a bushy moustache stepped out of the shadows.

"It's the Pope!" Zelos exclaimed.

"Not anymore, remember?" The man pointed out.

"Well, I can't just call you 'man with silly white outfit and bushy moustache'…" the red-head said with a frown.

"You could call me Dennis."

"I didn't know you were called Dennis."

"I'm not." the ex-Pope replied simply.

"Look, this is getting us nowhere. Just let us pass." Yuan said, interrupting the pointless conversation.

"I'm afraid not. I wouldn't be a very good Eliminator if I did that." The ex-Pope raised his staff aggressively.

"But… We're the Cruxis gang! We're your former employers. Sorta… You have to let us pass." Yggdrasill whined desperately.

"Tch. Some employers you were. Never a divine apparition. Never a sacred vision. No tests of my faith or anything like that."

"Well, we're on a low budget as it is, and that would've required a lot of special effects…" Yggdrasill explained.

"Whatever. I completely wasted my life at that Church of Martel."

"W-what?" Martel stared at him.

"That's right. Some goddess you are! You couldn't protect a dust bunny, let alone two worlds!"

"I'm twice the goddess you are!" Martel barked, clutching her staff tightly.

"Yeah right. I bet you don't have any divine powers at all." The ex-Pope rolled his eyes.

"That's it. You're going down." Martel glared at him, before turning to the others. "You know the drill. Keep going and leave me behind."

"Alrighty." Without any further hesitation, the gang stepped onto the teleporter and disappeared.

"Hey! You're supposed to wish me good luck! Jerks!" the girl shouted after them.

* * *

"Wow, look at us now… The four seraphim of Cruxis. Reminds me of that time you came to Meltokio to ask me to become the fourth seraphim, because I was gay. Heh, good times. _Good_ times." Zelos smiled nostalgically as they appeared at the seventh floor. 

"You were _so_ far in the closet back then, you were buried in old, out of fashion coats." Yggdrasill chuckled.

"Ah! That is _so_ not true!" Zelos produced a high-pitched indignant sound, covering his mouth with one hand.

"Eyes on the road, guys." Kratos called as they reached the center of the room and glanced around.

"So you've come." Said a creepy voice.

"That voice sounds familiar…" Yuan muttered, deep in thought.

"Isn't that…" Kratos frowned deeply, putting a hand to his chin.

"Noooo!" Zelos squeaked, hiding behind Yggdrasill.

"Yes!" Smiling in a freaky way, Ernie the hotsprings guy stepped into the light. As usual, he was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

"You?" Yuan looked dumbstruck. "They accept people like _you_ as Eliminators too?"

"Why not? The more, the merrier, eh?" Ernie winked at Zelos, who whined pitifully. "I'm afraid I can't let you go any further."

"What if we give you Zelos?" Yggdrasill asked, grabbing the red-head by his collar and pulling him forward.

"Deal. Off you go then." Ernie said without hesitation, moving aside to clear the path.

"Oh, great, thanks a lot."

The guys muttered amongst themselves cheerfully as they started to walk towards the teleporter.

"Guys! What are you doing? You can't leave me with _him_!" Zelos squeaked, fear etched deeply into his face.

"Ah, don't worry Zelos. You're sacrificing yourself for the greater good." Kratos said, just before the three disappeared.

"Good thing I was the fastest kid of my class." The ex-chosen said to himself, turning around to flee. The best he could do was try to avoid Ernie as long as possible, hoping that the guy would tire himself out.

* * *

((I have to say, I think this is one of the funniest chapters of this fic. But you can decide for yourself.)) 


	13. Chapter Twelve

((A/N: Yay! We're finally reaching the excitement of the last chapters! Cliffhangers galore!

**Flamealchemist15:** Ah, Zelos will be fine. Unless Ernie manages to corner him... But if he's lucky, Lloyd will have caught up with him by then.  
**Whatevergirl:** Yeah, they probably do. They can kick the others' behinds when this is all over.  
**Sesshy is sexii:** It's really quite unbelievable how I manage to make a random NPC like the hotsprings man stand out so much, huh? Nobody who has read Idiot Seraphim will be able to look at him in the same way again! XD  
**Lunar Kestrel:** Yeah, Monty Python rules. It rules so much...  
**Hiranieas:** You never expected Ernie there? Really? I was sure it'd be too obvious...  
**I like vader lots:** Nope, no self-insertion or forum cameos in this fic. The Flanoir doctor was an original guess though. I have to give you credit for that one.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Wow, you actually checked the list that Tiga had? Awesome!  
**Sylphecat:** Yeah, but Chocolat escaped Palmacosta because she wasn't there when it was destroyed. She was stuck at a human ranch, remember? And... you didn't like Forcystus? But he's so cute! With his pretty hair and his eyepatch... -_swoon_-))

* * *

Chapter twelve.

"Guys, does it strike you as odd that almost everyone who came to our anti-discrimination meeting is now an Eliminator?" Kratos enquired as the three seraphim materialized on the next floor.

"Nah. It's probably because they met Martel that they want to destroy us now." Yggdrasill said wisely.

"What floor are we on anyway?" Yuan asked as they stepped away from the teleporter.

"Eight, I think…" Kratos replied, glancing around.

"Hey, we're almost at the top." Yggdrasill called brightly.

"You won't get there. At least, not alive." A familiar voice spoke. It sounded calm yet creepy at the same time.

The guys gasped as the next Eliminator stepped out of the shadows.

"It's that guy! Uhm… Abyssion!" Yggdrasill exclaimed.

"Yo." Abyssion said simply, taking off his sunglasses and stuffing them in the pocket of his overlarge trench-coat.

"See, now this is a _real_ villain! This guy actually has a reason to be an Eliminator! He's creepy and evil!" Kratos said loudly.

"Thank you." Abyssion cast him a really quick smirk. "Wanna buy some exspheres, by the way? Wonderful quality."

"Not right now…" Yuan raised an eyebrow.

"Your loss." Abyssion shrugged. "Anyway, You realize that I'll have to kill you now, right?"

"Not if we can help it!" Yuan shouted, before turning to Yggdrasill. "Alright, you stay behind to distract him and-"

"What? What makes you think _I_'ll stay behind?" The blonde looked heavily offended. "I'm Cruxis' leader, therefore it's only logical that _I_ get to the top. You're just my lackey, therefore _you_ should stay behind!"

"Preposterous!" Yuan growled.

"Let's just flip a coin for it." Kratos sighed, pulling a coin out of his pocket.

"I call heads!" Yggdrasill said immediately.

"Alright. Yuan will take tails, and if the coin falls on its side _I_'ll stay behind." Kratos suggested.

"Seems fair." Yuan shrugged.

Kratos took a deep breath before flipping the coin into the air. All eyes eagerly followed as it started to make its descent, soon landing on the ground.

"Well? What is it?" Yggdrasill demanded immediately.

"Heads."

"Alright! _I_ got heads, and I say that _Yuan_ stays behind! Problem solved." Yggdrasill grinned widely.

"Dammit…" Yuan started to pout like a little child.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine. I believe in you." Kratos gave him a quick hug before following Yggdrasill to the teleporter.

Abyssion, meanwhile, was putting the abandoned coin in his wallet, not really noticing that two of the three seraphim had just left the room. Yuan shrugged and drew his weapon.

"Just so you know, I am the leader of the Renegades and one of the four Kharlan heroes." He said, trying to sound heroic.

"So? I used to be a vessel for a vengeful spirit that slaughtered thousands and was sealed away because he was so evil." Abyssion replied, a grin spreading across his face.

"Ah… touché." Yuan admitted.

Meanwhile, Yggdrasill and Kratos appeared on the ninth floor. 

"This is it. The last floor. We're nearly there now." Kratos breathed a sigh.

"Oh, how exciting! We're going to meet the top two Eliminators, that didn't even show themselves to the insider!" Yggdrasill clapped his hands together excitedly.

"I wonder if we know them…" the human pondered.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you do." Another familiar voice rang across the room. A figure stepped into the light, causing the two seraphim to gasp in shock.

* * *

((Dun dun duuuuun!))  
((Fun fact: Yuan was screwed either way. Had the coin ended up on Tails, Yggdrasill would've said Yuan had to stay behind because Yuan had tails. They never did state what would happen after the coin landed. XD)) 


	14. Chapter Thirteen

((A/N: We're nearing the end! Two chapters and an epilogue left!

**Sylphecat:** Nah, the cardinals aren't creepy. They're... Misunderstood. ... Except for Kvar and Rodyle. They _are_ creeps.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Remiel? Very, very good guess. But I assure you that he's not the _last_ Eliminator. 3  
**I like vader lots:** Seles? Again, another nice guess. But no.  
**Sesshy is sexii:** Yeah, I really like my portrayal of Abyssion. Mostly because I love shady people with long black trenchcoats.  
**Everyone else:** I'm sorry, but I'm just so horribly lazy that I can't reply to you all. So... Thanks for reviewing and... have a cookie! -_hands out cookies_-))

* * *

Chapter thirteen.

"Remiel!" Kratos shouted incredulously.

"Weren't you… like… dead?" Yggdrasill asked with a frown.

"That's exactly what I wanted you to think." Remiel grinned. "I teleported myself to safety just outside the tower of Salvation. You inferior beings immediately assumed I was dead."

"Oh… I guess that we really _should_ remember that bodies don't just disappear into thin air…" Yggdrasill mumbled.

"Still, I was injured greatly. But then I was found by Sixurc's great leader, whose name I shall not reveal. He nursed me back to health with a diet of Nutri bars and mineral water."

"Wow… What an amazing yet believable story." Kratos said, his eyes widening.

"And now, I'll get my revenge on you for sure. You never let me be a Seraph and I think it's downright unfair." Remiel paused for a moment. "Still, being an Eliminator is much better!" He started to snicker under his breath.

"Take that back!" Yggdrasill called angrily.

"Never!" Remiel shouted back.

"So, just to get things straight, you're the number two Eliminator that never revealed himself to anyone else?" Kratos asked, raising a hand to his chin.

"That's me." The pompous jerk smiled proudly.

"The number one is behind that door over there?" Kratos pointed to a door behind Remiel.

"Yup."

"And we have to get past you to get to the number one?" The auburn-haired swordsman continued.

"Yes."

"Alright then." Kratos nodded, before turning to Yggdrasill. "So, what do we do?"

"One of us stays behind to defeat Remiel. For real this time." the blonde answered.

"I'm assuming that person would be me?"

"Indeed it would." Yggdrasill nodded.

"I see… Good thing I sharpened Flamberge this morning." Kratos patted the sword on his waist.

"Make sure you stab him in a vital point so that he _stays_ dead this time."

"Uhm… I'm standing right here you know." Remiel said, frowning. "I can hear everything you two are saying."

"Ah yes, of course." Kratos looked up again. "Then you can start writing your will. If you want, you can leave all your belongings to the newly created Cruxis fund."

"Where all your Gald helps to end discrimination." Yggdrasill added with a blatant advertisement smile.

"Oh, that _does_ sound nice." Remiel admitted. "Sadly, I'm leaving all my money to the Sixurc fund. Where all your Gald takes us one step closer to world domination."

"Wow. I'm gonna invest in that too!" Yggdrasill called, earning him a whack upside the head from Kratos.

"Get going, twerp." The human said, finally drawing his weapon.

"Okay, okay." Yggdrasill rubbed the back of his head with a pained expression before heading for the door at the other side of the room. A moment later, he'd disappeared through it.

"You'd better start saying your prayers, angel boy." Remiel called, turning to Kratos with a grin. "Oh, wait, your goddess is a phoney! Ahahahah!"

"I'm going to enjoy beating the snot out of you." Kratos replied through gritted teeth.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yggdrasill entered the final room. The room in which the number one Eliminator was hiding. The room in which the last battle would be held. It was, truly, a dramatic looking room. There were shadows, darkness, weird decorations, blackness, shade, a throne in the back and more shadows. 

"Wow, did someone forget to pay the electricity bill?" Yggdrasill glanced around blankly.

"So, you've come." Spoke the person who was sitting on the throne, hidden in the shadows.

"It was a bit hard to resist an invitation that's been spray painted on your front door." The blonde replied slowly.

"Your words are true, unlike the form you have right now."

"Who are you?" Yggdrasill demanded, placing his hands on his hips.

"I am the number one. I am the leader of the Sixurc and the nine Eliminators. I am the epitome of evil. I am…"

* * *

((Stay tuned for the last chapter, in which everything will be revealed!)) 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

((A/N: Last chapter everyone! Thanks for sticking with me so far.

**Meredyformagic:** I was giggling when I thought up that line. Heheheh... Roast beef...  
**Lunar Kestrel:** You'll never be able to guess. XD  
**Hiranieas:** Regal? Many people thought it'd be Regal. I should stop stealing his lines...  
**Brandy:** Well, of course you know. I gave it away on my LJ...  
**Sylphecat:** Forcystus/Pronyma forevah!!! Also, I have no clue who this Ricardo person is... I never did that sidequest. As for who you thought might be the number one... You're probably wrong, seeing as it's a person you'd never expect to know about the YggyMithos thing.  
**Master Summoner Sheena:** Rodyle's ghost? Lol! Botta had a valid reason to survive the remote island ranch. But Rodyle... He was stabbed. Murdered. Changed into an exbelua and killed by Lloyd and ze gang. Yup.  
**I like Vader lots:** Really? You should scan a few pages!  
**Angelheart17:** It's coming! It's coming!  
**A Dedicated Fan:** ... Furbies? Ah... No. No Furbies. (though they are evil...)  
**FlameAlchemist15:** Dhaos? Nice try, but no.  
**Whatevergirl:** Mmm... Cookie...  
**Mandi Minamoto:** Another one who places a vote on Regal? XD

Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter fourteen.

"… The Dark Chef!"

There was a sudden poof as the lights flicked on, accompanied by an explosion of smoke. Yggdrasill let out a high-pitched squeak, shielding his eyes. When he could finally see properly, he looked up to see the Dark Chef sitting on the throne before him, holding a large spatula into the air with one hand.

"… Huh?"

"That's right. Get confused before my almighty power. Obviously, your idiot seraph brain cannot comprehend my greatness." The Dark Chef laughed cruelly.

"You're the evil villain?" Yggdrasill asked.

"Aye."

"A pipsqueak like you?"

"Size matters not. You of all people should know this, lord Yggdrasill."

"You are the one who started Sixurc and wants to take over the world?"

"Yes. Why do you think my name is _Dark_ Chef, you fool?" the boy grinned, pushing a lock of blue hair behind his ear.

"Ah… Good point." Yggdrasill admitted, shrugging.

"All the tools I need for my master plan have gathered here in this tower. It matters not if the other Eliminators succeed. They were merely pawns, used to distract your companions." the Dark Chef spoke, getting to his feet.

"You fiend! What are you _really_ planning?" Yggdrasill demanded angrily.

"Right here and now, I will eliminate those of Cruxis myself. The tower will collapse, crushing everyone inside it. Except for me of course. From the rubble, my true heir will arise. He will shower the world in everlasting darkness, as it is written in the ancient prophecies."

"You're going to kill your own henchmen too? You're mad!"

"Am I? I seem to recall that you yourself had no mercy on your subordinates either. I'd say we're more alike than you think." The Dark Chef pointed his spatula at Yggdrasill in a teasing way.

"I-I… We… Well, my subordinates were actually _evil_! These people are just plain idiots!" the blonde retorted.

"A minor detail." The Dark Chef gave a quick wave of his hand, turning back to his throne and a big red button next to it.

Yggdrasill glanced around shiftily, before an idea struck him. "Oh yeah? Well, just to let you know, if we really _are_ so alike then you'll meet your downfall just like me! I was so blinded by my own arrogance back then that I didn't see the light of… _Judgment!_"

There was a loud whizzing sound and a bang as Yggdrasill raised his hand to the sky and rays of light came falling down from the ceiling, smashing onto the ground. A few seconds later, there was a blinding flash and the next second, the Dark Chef had disappeared, leaving only a few puffs of smoke.

"Heheheh… I win." Yggdrasill smirked, before he was tapped on his back by someone standing behind him. "… Uhoh."

"Trying to distract me with a corny speech while you charged a spell… Clever." The Dark Chef admitted with a mild smile. "Sadly, I saw that one coming a mile away."

"Well, it was worth a shot." Yggdrasill said with a shrug.

The Dark Chef used his spatula to shove Cruxis' leader to the ground, before wandering over to the button. "Nothing can stop me now." He said with a psychopathic grin, reaching out to press it.

"Noooo!" Yggdrasill pushed himself up again, but was too late.

Another loud poof and smoke shot everywhere. The blonde shrieked in fear, hiding his face in his hands protectively. There was a small silence.

"_You_!" shouted Dark Chef's voice.

Yggdrasill looked up again to see that he was not dead. Instead, he thought for a moment he'd gone mad.

"I am the mysterious gourmet, the Wonder Chef!" the Wonder Chef proclaimed, raising his extra-large fork to the sky. "And I'm here to stop your villainous scheme!"

"You'll never win, Wonder Chef!" Dark Chef shouted, trying to slash his nemesis with his spatula. "En garde!"

Soon, a swordfight had started between the two chefs. Metal clanged against metal as it was a true battle to the death. Silverware versus silverware. Darkness versus wonder. Yggdrasill cheered, running forward to watch the fight.

"If only I had some popcorn…" he muttered to himself.

"Here you go!" Wonder Chef called, holding Dark Chef off with one hand and tossing a bag of popcorn to Yggdrasill with the other.

"Wow, thanks!"

The battle continued until suddenly, the Dark Chef stumbled. The Wonder Chef took this opportunity to knock his opponent off his feet.

"Another victory for the Wonder Chef!" he proclaimed.

"This isn't over!" the Dark Chef pushed himself into a sitting position, reaching out to grab his spatula. "One day soon, I will fulfil my goals and the world as you know it will perish!"

With one last hollow laugh and an explosion of smoke, the Dark Chef disappeared.

* * *

((You never saw it coming! Hohohohoho! Now go forth and read the epilogue!)) 


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

That evening, everyone was sitting in Vinheim the second's extra large dining room, which was built especially for guest purposes. Not just the Cruxis gang, but Raine, Genis, Sheena, Forcystus and Virginia were going to enjoy dinner there. As it turned out, Virginia only needed a whack on the head from Raine's staff to regain her mental stability. Well, most of it, anyway.

"What a nice little house." the woman spoke, glancing around the room blankly.

"Uhm... Sure mom. Just be quiet and play with your napkin." Raine raised an eyebrow at her mother before turning back to the conversation at hand.

"-so that's when Kuchinawa swore to get revenge some day and disappeared with a ninja poof." Sheena said, looking mildly annoyed.

Most of Sixurc's members had vanished without a trace, though Ernie had continued to stalk Zelos until Lloyd put a stop to it by using his fists. The mayor, the Pope and Chocolat had simply ran from battle when they realized they had no chance to win. Forcystus had only received a few minor bruises, as Colette tripped and knocked herself unconscious during battle. Remiel had teleported himself away just when Kratos was about to distribute the final blow. Horribly annoyed, the auburn-haired human went to save Yuan from Abyssion's clutches, as it seemed the Renegade leader was losing. Though Yuan fiercely insisted that he didn't need any help whatsoever, which was quite an achievement considering he was being choked by his opponent. Abyssion too, had fled when he saw he was outnumbered.

"So why was the Dark Chef trying to blow up the Tower of Mana?" Genis asked, casting a glance at Mithos who was forced to sit on the other side of the table by Martel.

"I don't know. Something about a prophecy and wanting to find his true heir..." the blonde shrugged.

"His true hair? Was he wearing a wig?" Colette frowned mildly in confusion.

"Uhm... Sure Colette. Be quiet and play with your napkin." Martel rolled her eyes lightly.

"The Dark Chef's true heir... I wonder who that could be..." Raine muttered to herself.

At that moment, Yuan entered the kitchen, holding a spatula in one hand. His hair looked slightly charred and he smelt strongly of burnt food. "Dinner's ready." he said with a grin, pushing a lock of blue hair behind his ear.

"Ah..." everyone looked away nervously.

Soon, every single person in the room was pretending to enjoy the food, trying not to let Yuan notice they were emptying their plates into a doggy bag. As usual, Kratos was forced to distract him as they did so.

Yes, everyone was blissfully unaware of what _might_ come, because they were, in fact, Idiot seraphim.

* * *

((Awww... And another Idiot Seraphim comes to a conclusion. Did we all have fun? I hope so... 

Just to let you know, there will be an Idiot Seraphim 6 some day. I have a general plot idea, sorta. However, I'm a bit too busy with rounding up other fics to get started on it. I'm going to upload my new A-U story soon, in case you're interested. But keep in mind that that story is _not_ comedy or meant for kids under 16.))


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